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Getting Married
Download our wedding booklet here
We are so glad that you are thinking about getting married in church. This suggests to us that you are taking marriage very seriously and have thought a great deal about the commitment it brings and about your relationship together. It is also an indication that you both want God to have a share in your marriage and in your future lives together. In fact, we are sure that you both want only the very best for your future and we want to enable you to have the best possible to your married life together.
This is why we actively encourage couples to commit themselves to attend church on a regular basis prior to the ceremony taking place. Choosing to be married in church, means that you are committing yourselves to the spiritual aspect of being married in God's presence and getting to know a bit more about the Christian faith is a very important part of preparing for your marriage. Many couples have done this and have thoroughly enjoyed their time with us and many have continued to worship with us after their wedding.
On a practical level, it is important to us (and we're sure to you) that we feel as though we know you in some small way on your wedding day and, also, that you get to know us - especially if we're going to be strategically involved in such a special day in your lives.
We also want to take the opportunity to remind you of a few points which we hope will be helpful to you in your preparations.
Cost: The cost for a wedding will be £TBA (please contact Maralyn Buchanan for up to date fees). This will include the Diocesan charge for your wedding; as well as payment for: Banns of Marriage; Organist; Choir; Verger; Heating and Lighting etc. It also includes statutory rates for the use of the church building.
Banns of Marriage: For wedding couples, Banns of Marriage are read out at the morning services on the first three Sundays of the month preceding your marriage. For example, if you are getting married in July, your Banns will be read on the first three Sundays in June. If one, or both of you, live outside the parish, then Banns must legally be called in the parish where you live and a certificate issued by that parish, prior to your being able to lawfully marry. You are responsible for arranging this. If no Certificate of Banns is presented prior to your wedding, we will not, legally, be able to perform the marriage ceremony.
Orders of Service: It is up to you to produce orders of service, should you want them. Please let us know if you are, then we can help you with an outline of the service and suggestions on what to include. Please don’t go to a printer to have an order of service printed with out first having a word with us. It is important you check the proposed order of service to make sure you haven’t made any obvious mistakes. (At some churches we have, in the past, provided Orders of Services for a small fee - please ask).
Music: Please let us know your choice of hymns and any special music you might like, so that the organist, and choir, can practise in advance. (We have a CD of hymns etc., to help you in your choice). Many couples often only remember songs from school assemblies - attending church, therefore, will open up a new range of songs for you to choose from.
Flowers: If you wish to have extra flowers (in addition to those we regularly provide for Sunday services) we can arrange this for you.
Video/Photography/Confetti: We are happy for you to video the service but would ask that this would be done discreetly. It is your responsibility to apply for the copyright license. We always prefer that photography does not take place during the exchanging of vows - this distracts from, what is, a very solemn part of the service. We are happy for you to use confetti outside of the church but at Little Burstead it can only be thrown away from the church near the gate!
Marriage Preparation: Alongside your coming to our church services, the vicar will invite you to the vicarage (early in the year of your marriage) for an informal get together to talk through the marriage ceremony and to discuss some of the issues surrounding the commitment that marriage entails. He will also make arrangements to meet with you, two or three times before your wedding, to talk through your service and to get to you know you a little more. He will also arrange a rehearsal, usually early on the Thursday evening prior to your wedding day.
On Your Wedding Day
The Bridegroom and Best Man: Should arrive, at least, half an hour before the start of the service and inform the vicar that they have arrived!
Ushers: Please select your ushers in advance and make sure they know what their responsibilities are:
They should arrive half an hour before the start of the service.
They should make your guests feel welcome.
They should be aware of which guests are with the Bride and Groom and show them to their seats.
The Best Man: Is responsible for: The safe conduct of the rings during the service; Handing copies of the service sheets to the Bridal Party when they arrive; Making sure that the Bride’s father (or person giving her away) and the Bridesmaids, move into the right place during the course of the service; Escorting the Bridesmaids, and family, into the Vestry for the signing of the Registers.
The Bride: Try not to be too late in arriving! It may seem a bit of fun but it causes a great deal of anxiety for family and friends if you are over late and, because there are often two weddings on the same day, causes quite a bit of disruption.
Signing the Register: Those present should include Bride; Bridegroom; Parents; Best Man and Bridesmaids. This usually takes place in the Vestry where it is big enough - please discuss any other ideas you might have with us.
We hope this information answers some of the queries you may have. However, please do not hesitate to get in touch if there is anything we can do at any time.
May God’s blessing rest upon you and your family life at this exciting time.
The Final Countdown
Your Wedding Planner Checklist
Organising a wedding can be a fraught and stressful business. Alternatively, it can be an enjoyable and confident time. In order that the latter is the case for you, here is a countdown checklist of what needs to be done in the months before your wedding. It may not cover every eventuality but it certainly covers most that needs to be planned.
12-6 months:
Announce your forthcoming marriage to family and friends (you may also like to announce this in the newspapers).
Select an engagement ring (if the future bride desires one).
Write letters of thanks to family members or friends who give engagement presents.
Decide on the venue, day and time for the wedding. Remember that churches often have more than one wedding on some days and it might not be possible to have the day and time you desire. Visit the priest and ask if it would be possible to have a certain day and time, rather than making immovable demands.
Arrange to meet with both sets of parents to decide who will be financially responsible for which parts of the wedding budget. To help you to do this, get some estimates of costs for the church, flowers, cars, clothes hire, reception etc.
Decide whom you want as best man, bridesmaids and ushers. Ask them if they are will to perform these tasks. You may like to ask others to take part in the service by leading the prayers or doing a reading. Decide too what all these people will wear on the wedding day.
Decide the number of guests to be invite to the wedding (remember that it is often sensible to consult your parents in this).
Book a venue for the reception and decide what sort of catering you would like (buffet, sit-down meal etc).
Start to make a wedding present list.
Book holiday time at work for your honeymoon.
Six months:
Book the cars which will be used to transport the bride and bridesmaids to the church and the couple from the church.
Book any music that will be played at the reception (band, disco etc).
Book a photographer and a video firm if desired.
Book an hotel for the wedding night.
Buy or make arrangements to have made or hire dresses for the bride and bridesmaids.
Four months:
Visit the priest at the church where you will be getting married to arrange when the banns will be called. Discuss with her the music and order of service as well as the day and time for the wedding rehearsal. Discuss also whether you want bells, a choir or flowers at the church. If applicable, visit too the priest of the other parish to arrange for the banns to be called there too.
Visit the florist and discuss colours and types of flowers. This may include flowers for bride and bridesmaids, buttonholes for groom, best man, ushers and guests, as well as flowers for the church and reception.
Send out wedding invitations, together with a finalised wedding list.
Three months:
Take out travel insurance for the honeymoon and consider general insurance for the wedding (reception disasters etc.). Ensure that you both have passports that will be valid at the time of the honeymoon. Remember that airline tickets must be booked in the names that will be on your passports when you leave to go on honeymoon.
Decide if you want service papers printed for the church. If so, order these, but remember to ask the priest to look at a copy before printing, to minimise any mistakes.
Arrange to hire suits for the grooms, best man, ushers and the fathers of the bride and groom.
Shop for going-away outfits for bride and groom.
Start to make a wedding cake or order it.
One month:
Buy wedding rings.
Check arrangements with florists and car hire firm. Check too the catering arrangements at the reception and advise on final number of guests.
Meet the photographer and discuss with her/him the types of photos to be taken.
Visit the doctor and arrange any injections that may be necessary for foreign travel.
Obtain any foreign currency needed for the honeymoon.
Buy any new clothes that will be needed for the honeymoon.
Buy presents to give on the wedding day to best man, bridesmaids, ushers and any others taking part in the service. You may also like to give flowers to the mothers of the bride and groom at the reception – order these.
Book hair appointments for bride and groom for a day shortly before the wedding (or even the day itself).
One week:
Ensure that you have adequate amounts of cash to pay people who may need payment at the wedding (if requested, this might include fees for the priest, as well as payment for cars, florist or photographers).
If you are using your own cars, make sure they are topped up with petrol the day before!
Here are two prayers that both of you might
like to pray together as you plan, and prepare,
for your wedding day.
Heavenly Father, we thank you for the gift of love; the love of God for man, and the love of man for God. We thank you, too, dear Lord, for human love, that man and woman can love each other. We ask that during the last months of our engagement, you will guide us in all our ways, in our relationship to each other, and in our preparations for our marriage; so that on our wedding day we may give our whole minds to the joy of the service, and the gathering together of those we love; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Heavenly Father, we ask for your blessing on us as we prepare for our marriage. During the last weeks before the service, when there is so much to occupy our time, grant us a deepening conviction of our love for each other, and your call upon our lives. Grant us joy on our wedding day and your happiness in our future together; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
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